Dear ambitious friend,
Here’s a newsflash for you. You are NOT James Bond. You’re not a suave secret agent with limitless quantities of courage and charm. You do get tired and you do bleed and you do get depressed. You’re human. You’re not on a diet of lithium carbonate that keeps you from feeling fear and panic.
So stop trying to act like one.
Because you know … no matter where you look, the cool people, the models are those similar to Bond. They are cold. They never get mad, they never get depressed. They are always confident. They get the job done, on the first try.
And it looks great. In movies. In real life, it is kind of different.
In real life, people cry. It doesn’t matter if it is a guy or a gal. People when are very sad and suffering do cry. They don’t do it in public but it happens. So don’t be ashamed. Kind of happens to everyone.
People in the real world doubt themselves. They don’t think themselves as good enough to accomplish their goal. They’re not double o’ seven. They are instead beings lead by questions like “who am I to be good enough to do this?”. And we think that we are the only one thinking this – we think that feeling inferior is true only to us, that everyone is supremely confident and capable.
Secret between you and me. Promise not to tell anyone. Pinkie promise, okay? Everyone feels the same way. Everyone feels sad and everyone feels depressed from time to time. And most importantly, everyone with the DNA of a human (and I think that some smart monkeys enter this category too) doubts his or her own effort.
So don’t worry. It’s normal. We’re all feeling the same way.
And you know, everyone fails. Everyone goes through the same process of “I’ll never be able to do it”. Everyone quits at least once before trying again. Everyone thinks “Oh, I’ll never be successful. I’ll never be thin and rich and instead I’ll end up a loser. I’m a loser now. I don’t know why I’m even trying”.
So when you’re in that hell of self-doubt, where you don’t see yourself as good enough to become whatever you need to become (in order to accomplish your goal), you’re in good company. About 7.000.000.000 people worth of it.
But why am I’m saying you this?
Because the difference between where you are now and where you want to be is action and knowledge. It is doing the right things and doing them right.
And the difference between successful people and those that never got past the gutter is that the successful ones … have blue eyes. No. Just kidding. The difference is that they’ve took action and moved forward even if a small voice in their mind told them to “give up” and other times, a huge voice shouted at them “you’ll never be enough”.
They’ve took action. That’s the secret of the successful person.
Sometimes you read a biography or an about page and it looks like the Herculean hero that against all odds succeeded in life. That thanks to hard work, sacrifices, a strong character and will of steel, he became what he is today.
Well … that’s mostly BS. These cases are very rare.
The truth is that that person reached his goals through a combination of trial and error, mentors, not giving up and a lot of luck. It wasn’t competence as it was a decision to keep going until it works.
And this is what keeps you now from having the life you want.
You’re scared shitless to take that action that you know you need to take. Maybe it is quitting your job. Maybe it is leaving a relationship. Maybe it is starting one. Maybe it is making a single phone call to ask for help and guidance. Maybe it is reading that book. Maybe it is taking a damn shower.
I don’t know. I don’t know you so well. But I know that your desired life is at the end of a road made out of actions. With each one of them, you have ten reasons not to do it.
The first reason is always … what if I fail? Well, if you fail, you fail. You start again. Honestly, unless you’re doing sky-diving, failure doesn’t mean much. It’s one thing for your parachute to not open but in most cases, failure just means invested time without the desired ROI. And you’ll get experience.
The second reason is … what will other people think? Well, fuck other people. If you harm other people by being successful, then they don’t deserve you. Let me tell you something. I have an amazing girl in my life that has no problem playing, singing, laughing on the street. She doesn’t give a fuck about what people think. Some people stare but most don’t give a fuck. And she surely doesn’t.
The third reason is … it will take a lot of hard work. Newsflash for you. Life will go on no matter what. If you’re a fat fuck right now and you don’t do something, you’ll be one in 5 years too. You won’t lose fat by will power alone. You’ll lose it when you move your ass to the gym. The same for money and any other goal. The future comes anyway. The question is where it catches you.
The fourth reason is … I’m not competent enough. I hate people who say this. I hate people who say “welll … if I knew what you knew, then I could …”. Dude. Learn it. Do it. Become it. You know, I’ve made a new friend lately and we’ve talked daily for almost a week. We’ve had several challenges to fix for a project of his and not a single day I’ve heard “well, this is too hard”. We’ve just focused on what must get done. We’ve decided on an action plan and took action. Next day, we did it again. That’s how work is done.
The fifth reason is … but I’ll lose thiiiiis. This is a bit sad, I know. The truth is that you can’t have it all. Sometimes in life you need to pick. You have this or that? You can’t have them both. You either have time to play XBOX or to write that book. You either have a great career or a great relationship (it’s rare to see them both). You’re either a world class CEO or a good parent. You can’t have them all, at best, you can have only complementary goals.
The sixth reason is … I don’t have the time. Oh. Really? What are you doing so important? Cleaning out the dishes? Checking Facebook? Give me a break, you have the time. You don’t have the time to do them all, and see reason #5 for this. That’s true. But nobody said that you need to do them all. I have a lot of stuff to do, I do what’s important. I have texts I haven’t replied for weeks. Do I care? Hell no. I had better things to do.
The seventh reason is … your damn ego. You expect the world to be fair and everyone to see you for the rare and beautiful flower you are. Well, you aren’t. Your mother told you that you’re a genius. Guess what? My mother said that to me too. The truth is that unless you’re in MENSA and you have +145 IQ, you’re not a genius, you’re a normal person like you and me. So drop the belief that you’re so special that rules don’t apply to you. Just as all of us have to go through effort, sacrifice, pain, rebounds and persistence to achieve goals, so you do. You’re not so special to invent new rules to the game.
The eight reason is … the people around you suck. You need a support network that actually helps you. If you have people around you that find reason why you shouldn’t do something (good) then you’re in the wrong crowd. Being positive is contagious … so it is being negative. If you have an idea, all you want to do from those around them is “do it”. Yes, it may suck and you may fail at it. But trust me, even if you fail, you’ll still be ahead compared to the start. If you have only “experts” that tell you why you can’t do something, learn to say “fuck you” and make new friends. Listen to people who have actually done it and can provide real, actual feedback or listen only when they say “go for it”. Everything else is just clutter.
The ninth reason is … opportunity cost. This is real too. You get to do something, you can’t do them all. Life is like shopping. You go to Massimo Dutti and you have only 500 USD. What do you do? You pick the blazer and the shoes or that leather jacket? You don’t have money for all three. You need to make a choice. So it is life. You have 24 hours … 7 days … 52 weeks … 80 years. You can have this or you can have that. Your life can’t be an ice-cream with every single possible flavor. You can’t have mint and Oreo and coffee and black choco and vanilla and strawberry. You can pick one, let’s say too. You can be a CEO and have a great body. You can be a parent and a good husband. But you won’t be superman doing everything. Keep in mind though that you can always resign and become that husband, you just can’t do too much at any given time. So pick your battles.
The final, tenth reason is … you don’t even know what you want. I mean, what you actually want from your life? You want money, respect, love, stuff like that. But if I ask you specifically, you have no idea. You have no goals. You don’t know what you need to do because the truth is that you don’t know your destination.
So set some real goals …
But anyway, look … I’m not here to criticize you. Actually, I’m here to encourage you. I’m here to tell you that YOU ARE ENOUGH to be successful. You can have that amazing house on the beach, a big BMW, two dogs, a nice income and money to go party in Fiji. Yeah, you do.
You’re not more or less than anyone else. We’re all together in this cosmic chaos. The difference between those who are there and those who are not is that the first group decided to go ahead anyway, even if they’ve doubted themselves.
So … the question is – are you going ahead no matter what or are you going to let the bullshit story you’ve created about yourself stand in the way?