Hello my friend,
How are you? Hope I great?
Let me share something with you.
I feel anxious. I feel worried. I feel concerned. Why? Because I have a very ambitious goal, something that I haven’t accomplished in over two years and I have no idea on how to do it.
My mind goes blank when it comes to focusing on it. I feel worry and disappointment and all that cocktail of negative feelings.
But let me tell you something … this is how most of life works.
Life is like being surrounded by fog. You know where you want to get but you can’t see more than a few meters in front of you. You don’t know if there’s going to be a wall or a hole and this is scary.
It terrifies me. Believe me, even if I consider myself a brave person, the fact that my vision is so limited ahead in life is scary.
And I’m not the only one. This is true for all of us. We can only see the next few steps but there is a lot of the unknown out there and it scares us.
There’s a fix though … or at least some form of encouragement.
The darkness in front of you will always be a thing. The uncertainty of tomorrow will always be a constant. I wish I could tell you otherwise but if life taught me something is that it is unpredictable, both in a good and a bad way.
Yet, the biggest proof of courage you can offer as a man is to keep walking even if you don’t know what’s ahead of you. Maybe you’ll have a smooth road. Maybe you’ll fail dramatically. But you must keep moving forward because cliches aside, life is like a bicycle. You can keep your balance only by pedaling forward. The moment you stop, you fall.
It is scary to not know what the future holds for you but worrying about it will just paralyze you. Worrying is negative visualization and we tend to get more of what we focus on.
Let me tell you … many times I was in my life with no idea on how I’m going to progress further.
I remember that a few years ago, I was in a really bad moment of my life. I’ve left Cluj Napoca, Romania after I’ve broke up with my then girlfriend. I was loving her more than I could have even conceived and I was still hoping for us to get together.
Just one month earlier, I gave up on my rent because I was hardly spending any time at home. So when we broke up, I had to return to my parents or at least, I chose to do so.
It was a bad decision. I was in a place with no mobile coverage, nothing to do, no friends and my relationship with my parents was never that good … or existent.
I remember how I was trying to convince her to come back to me and how she would not. One night, while I was taking a bath, I’ve managed to cut my foot into a rusted metal plate. I’ve asked for my parents to take me to the hospital. They’ve refused. They’ve told me I’m a wuss and that a simple cut won’t do anything. It was a big cut but that wasn’t the part that was hurting.
Outside, it was raining like hell.
I went to my aunt and asked for her help. She put me into contact with a driver who took me there. Before leaving, my father became aggressive for doing this and for making him look bad. That gentleman took me there, stayed with me, returned me home.
In that moment, my life was at a all-time low. I was feeling separation anxiety from the girl that I wanted to marry. At home, the atmosphere was emotionally abusive. I had no money and no willpower to actually work or do anything.
I had no way out. I couldn’t even find a place to cry if I wanted to (sometimes, too much is too much).
It was like all the cards were stacked against me and in front of me was not darkness, but a huge wall I couldn’t climb. No one was coming to help me.
Yet, with all my strength, I’ve gave it a last push (well, it wasn’t my last, if that didn’t worked, I would have tried again). I’ve left that place. I’ve got back together with my ex and then broke up again, for good this time.
I’ve stayed in a hotel. Again, everything seemed hopeless. I’ve left the country. I came back. I returned to my parents place (I know, I’m a masochist sometimes).
I stayed for a maximum of two weeks if I remember right. I’ve had enough. And then I’ve decided to do an experiment. Nothing was going to take the pain away but the last thing I needed to do was spending time alone. So I’ve decided to live only on AirBnB, shared apartments for a while. A while become about eight months.
In that period, I’ve lived with a wonderful young lady that shared her amazing wine with me rather often. I’ve lived with two crazy girls that were partying almost every night. I’ve lived with an older lady that became like a mother figure. I’ve lived near the mountainside where I’ve made a few new friends. I’ve lived in the other side of the country with a guy that was a lot of fun. I’ve lived with a guy who owned a model agency and brought home a girl almost every night and always came with the craziest ideas. I’ve lived in a place where a homeless person tried to steal the pizza I’ve ordered.
It was chaos. But it was good. And I was out of the darkness. The secret? I kept moving forward.
When I was lying in my room, with my leg bleeding, asking myself “what the fuck is wrong with this world” I would have never imagined this path for myself. Yet, it happened, simply because I’ve moved forward. Because the worst thing you can do in life is to give up.
I’ve been in many moments of my life where I had no hope and yet, a miracle happened that saved everything. Don’t get me wrong. Sometimes things didn’t turned out my way. But my situation got worse only when I’ve stopped, when I gave up. When I kept pedaling into the future, it only got better.
Now, I’m too anxious and concerned and believe me, it’s not nice. I’m bathing in cortisol sometimes. It’s like I can feel the stress hormone in my blood stream, burning any hope of calm and balance that I may have. But things get better only when you move forward. Whatever you discover ahead of you, it is best to move forward. Bad times will turn into good times if you move forward.
Jim Rohn talked about the four seasons, how we all have the winters of our lives and the summers. Well, the bad part with winter is that you need to wait it out. You need patience. Life works a bit better. Winter is going to last as long as you don’t take action. In the moment that you take action, you’re slowly moving towards spring.
I don’t have any guarantees that what I do will work. Nobody can promise me this. I’m hanging by a thread many times in my life, where just one more failure and I’m screwed big time. Sometimes, that failure comes.
It is like today. Frustrated that I can’t find a way to accomplish my goal, I take a cup that had chocolate milk in it. Without noticing I spill all the milk on the floor. While cleaning it I hit my head really hard. I start screaming. I calm down after ten seconds or so. These things happen and sometimes it is a lot worse than hitting your head or cleaning the floor.
But the truth is that it could have only gotten better by doing what needed to be done.
I don’t love my failures. I don’t associate anything positive with the word failure. I just think of them as learning tools. Of course, I’d rather learn through what’s working than not working but if a win is a big blessing, failures are a smaller blessing in disguise.
And yes, I’m afraid. Maybe after I master psycho-cybernetics, I can stop being afraid. But I’m afraid of many things and I know that I’m pushing my luck. I’m afraid that the month will pass and all my actions to accomplish my goals will be for nothing. I’m afraid that I can’t fulfill the promises I’ve made. I’m afraid that I can’t give back a major favor that a friend did to me no matter how much I want.
Yet, I know that being afraid is not helping me.
Maybe at the end of the road, be it a day, a project, a week, a month, a year, there is what I’m expecting. There’s my nirvana. Or maybe there’s a joker telling me that there’s nothing. Life taught me that generally, effort, faith and persistence are rewarded and even if there is a small chance in which they’re not, I have the odds on my side.
So the next time you’re afraid, you’re not alone.
But I can tell you that whatever your circumstances are, if you move forward, they’ll get better. In high-school, I was called names and even girls made fun of me. I thought this would never change. Now I’m respected and I’m even intimating to others.
When I was growing up I was used hearing how I’m useless and good for nothing. I don’t think I’ve heard a dozen encouraging words in my first 18 years of my life. Whatever I did, I did wrong. I was expecting to be criticized out of habit. But it changed and slowly I’m rebuilding my self image to serve me better in my second part of my adulthood.
I’ve learned that there’s always a way out, a way to a better life. But you will win this way only if you walk with faith and courage ahead. If it is raining and you’re caught up in the middle of a field with no cover, your best shot is still to walk until you find shelter.
I think Churchill said “if you’re walking through hell, keep walking”. That’s what I’m telling you too. If you’re walking through pain, keep walking, because there’s something on the other side.
In about one month maximum, I’ll have mastered the Psycho-Cybernetics techniques and then, everything will change for me. If you haven’t, start studying Psycho-Cybernetics. As I’ll say in every post, reaching to this book (again) is the culmination of me reading +350 books.
Maybe the biggest realization that you can have is how neutral life is. It responds to input. You shouldn’t be surprised when it works. I have friends who read something, use it and are very surprised that it works. Most things works. Most laws of success and business achievement work for everyone using them. What makes them fail is our self-image or lack of execution. After all, most people don’t try even once.
Anyway … this is an interesting tangent to explore at some point, how we habitually fail when we never try but now it’s time to end the post.
Keep going. In good and bad times, keep going. If you don’t want to be struck by the lighting of failure and pain, then don’t sit and make yourself an easy target.