I want you to take a moment.
Imagine that in front of you is your inner child. It is you, when you were 10 or 12 or so. You’re confused and sad and hurting. You need care and kindness so much. You’re also bursting in tears.
What would you do?
Criticize him? Tell him “you’re worthless, you always get it wrong”? Yell at him to get back to work and get himself out of this situation?
No, unless you’re a complete asshole, then the answer is no. You’d hug him and protect him and do all you can to bring comfort again to this hurt being.
You’d take care of him, just as you’d take care of your son or daughter. It’s a part of you.
Well, my question is then, why don’t you direct the same self-love to yourself? Because the truth is that your inner child is indeed hurting and suffering. And you reminding yourself how worthless you are or how you always fail, you criticizing yourself worse than anyone could criticize you on this planet, telling yourself things that you’d not dare tell others… you’re just hurting your inner child more.
Look… maybe you don’t resonate with the concept of a inner child and that’s fine. But the truth is that you’re treating yourself with so much hate and impatience and aggression that you’d never display to a child, unless again, you’re a fucking psychopath.
And contrary to what you may think, this doesn’t mean you have high standards. Constantly tearing yourself down, putting yourself down, kicking yourself doesn’t make you perform better. It just makes you your worst enemy.
I know so many people who’d be amazing parents but they don’t extend even half of that care to themselves. They don’t see themselves worthy or they think that they can “take it”. And I’m saying you can’t.
I’m saying that you’re hurting so much and maybe it is time to come to a resolution with this, to stop lying to yourself. And look into the mirror and see a hurt boy or girl and realize that this hurt boy or girl doesn’t need you to be an asshole with yourself. Instead, he needs encouragement because he’s insecure. He needs love because he feels he’s unworthy of love. He feels patience because everyone seems to point out what a fucking failure he is.
That’s your inner child.
You can become your best friend or you can remain your worst enemy. And while having high standards (aka kicking yourself each time you fail) may work for a while, eventually, you’ll realize you have a single body and mind and soul to live in… and that if you tear these down, you’ll end up with “stuff” but with no soul.
It’s not a lesson I’m expecting most to understand but I’ve understood that at the core of all suffering, lies a ruptured, painful relationship with one’s self. Not those around were the problem, but you with the person you see in the mirror, because believe me, it’s not the same thing.