When you say “self love”, there are many things that come to your mind.
What I’ll tell you is not one of them.
So here it goes…
STOP being tied to your communication apps because you love yourself.
Think about it. If you reply each time someone contacts you, if a ding from your phone is enough to take you out of whatever you were doing and put you into reactive mode… you’re basically ignoring your own needs.
You’re saying “what you want from me is more important than what I want from myself so I’ll stop doing it”. For God’s sake, I know girls who stopped from having sex just to answer a phone call.
And in a way, I can empathise (not at that level but in general).
We’ve trained ourselves to respond. If the phone rings and we don’t answer, we feel damn uncomfortable. What if it is urgent? What if someone needs me? We’ve learned to equate other needs to contact us with something that must be solved now.
Except… it isn’t.
Most request, all requests on social media and phone hardly matter. Sure, sometimes you get a call and it is the delivery guy you’ve been expecting you or your house is on fire but I can guarantee you, 95% of everything you receive in your inbox, can be safely ignored for one hour… or twelve hours… or a day… or even a week.
Now, I’m not saying to become a hermit.
I’m not saying to ignore and say fuck to everyone. I’m simply saying that what you are doing in the moment is important and you deserve to fully enjoy that given experience. This also means that if you love yourself, you’ll not drop it, no matter if you’re in the shower or eating or sleeping or whatever, in order to respond to someone’s else need for you.
I just connected the dots on this but someone taught me this a long time ago. I’m just hard to understand.
Her name is Joy and she is a wonderful girl for which I was way too unprepared at that point in time. And Joy would reply on her own timeframe. If she wanted to reply, she’d reply. If not, she’d not.
She was never rude about it. She never made a point. She wasn’t even strategic I guess. It was simply that Joy was living a fun life and she was too busy doing good stuff for her to answer Messenger messages.
She’s also the first person that while with me, never ever even looked at her phone, and I assume, this was true with everyone else. And I perceive this two fold – first, respect for the person in front of her and appreciation… and second, respect for herself, because if she was there, she wanted to be there, she wanted to enjoy the experience, she didn’t want to pull herself out of it.
I don’t know if you remember but about 5 – 8 years ago, answering your phone or using your phone when with someone it was a big insult. It was something to get upset. Now it is universally accepted. Now I can be with someone and she can pull her phone and answer WhatsApp messages while with me.
It is fucked up.
And I believe that we deserve better. We all do.
So maybe the first step is to stop being reactive to your phone. If someone messages you, that person will get an answer, but not now.
Now, enjoy that food. Enjoy every bite. Or take a deep breath and enjoy your environment. Or enjoy your morning coffee, the book you’re reading, the song you’re listening.
You are gifting yourself this moment.
You are intentionally making yourself happy.
Don’t ruin this for something that’s not important. You, making yourself happy matters. You know, I know people who would stop a run on a treadmill to answer a WhatsApp message.
A fucking run…
I mean, c’mon, unless the message is “fucking alert, I need you now”, nothing is that important. Nothing is that important to fracture the moments you spend with your loved ones by looking at your phone.
And while in the above case I use your “loved ones” as your significant other, you know who is the MOST LOVED ONE?
I’ll give you one guess…
Nothing is that important to ruin the relationship you have with yourself. A part of you wanted you to enjoy whatever the hell you’re doing now. And you should embrace that part and disable those damn notifications and deal with everything later.
The world won’t end.
The deal won’t fall.
The house won’t burn.
If someone really really needs to get to you, they’ll call several times in a row. You can safely ignore most attempts, like really.
Plus, if you train people that it takes time to get an answer from you, they’ll appreciate you more. So unless it’s a sales conversation and you need to answer to close the sale (being fast there matters, and the rules above don’t apply), just let it be.
When your phone vibrates…
Put it in the drawer. Disable notifications. Close the drawer. Put a smile on your face. Get back to whatever you were doing before. Because you deserve to love yourself. And the best gift of love you can make to yourself, the best gesture is that you MATTER.
Is that your needs are important and relevant and should not be subordinated to the needs of others, especially a vast mob that has almost zero relevancy to what’s important to you.
Gift yourself the gift of being in the moment… and doing what’s important to you, instead of reacting from your phone or email or whatever device you’re using.